Author: Wes White

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How to Not Miss the Good Things in Your Life

Our brain is like velcro for the bad but teflon for the good. We let bad things roll around in our head; we quickly move on from the good. Ever since I learned this simple yet profound point from Rick Hanson, I have made it my ambition to do a better job of taking in the good (for more detail on Hanson, see my article on his work here).

According to Hanson, many of our mental struggles result from simply not taking in the good things already present in our lives. For example, we can spend hours thinking about how someone criticized us. We spend hardly any time thinking of the compliment someone gave us. We think a lot about bills we might not be able to pay. We think very little about all the bills we have paid. Such distorted thinking is bound to make us more anxious about people and finances.

How do we start to balance this out? How can we do a better job of taking in the good things that are already part of our lives?

Here are a few thoughts.

Journal. On January 14, 2018, I started writing a weekly review, and I have continued this practice to the present time. Every time I do it, I walk away with a different view of my week than the one I began with. I go through my calendar, and I note the people I spent time with, the things I accomplished, the pleasures I enjoyed, the good experiences that I had, and the things I learned. By the end of this exercise, I realize that my week was much better than I thought it was when I sat down to write.

Linger. When you experience something good, take it in for a few seconds. Thank God for the good things that you have received. Don’t just drink or eat. Fix it in your mind for a few moments and give thanks to God. Don’t quickly move to the next thing.

Share. This week, I’m preaching about Moses’ father-in-law Jethro from Exodus 18. In this passage, Moses tells Jethro all the good things the Lord has done in the exodus from Egypt. Jethro is delighted to hear it all. We all need friends with whom we can share the good things in our lives. This gives us both the memory of something good as well as the enriching connection of a human relationship.

Celebrate. After Moses told Jethro about all the good things the Lord had done for them, they celebrated. They offered sacrifices to God and enjoyed a meal together with the leaders of the people of Israel. We can do the same. When something particularly good happens, celebrate it. Enjoy a meal and talk about it!

Write. One way to linger over things is to write about them. This year, I threw one of the best parties I’ve ever thrown: a celebration of Burns Night (read about it here). The reason I wrote the article was to relive this wonderful event and to share it again with the friends who were a part of the celebration. It was one more way of taking in the good and remembering all the good things God has given me.

Taking in the good has helped me not to miss the good things that are already in my life. I have seen firsthand that when we take in the good, we can live more fulfilled, joyful, and peaceful lives. And all these things are right there for the taking! We just have to take them into our hearts and minds and enjoy what God has given us.

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Courage

In the movie The Lord of the Rings, the soldiers of Gondor have moved back to the second level of defenses in the face of Mordor’s onslaught. Something unknown is banging at at the gates trying to get through. Then Gandalf says, “Whatever comes through those gates, you will stand your ground!”

What if we could approach every day like that? Whatever comes out the gates today, I will stand my ground?

What if we could face the scariest situations with calm and thoughtfulness without even losing our joy?

For many, this seems like an impossible goal, yet this is our calling as humans and Christians. Doing what is right and good and just is our duty and calling no matter how challenging or scary things get. This takes courage.

So, why are we so afraid? Why do we have so much anxiety? Why do we fall apart every time there is something difficult or unexpected?

Well, have we really worked at it? Have we really tried to become courageous people? And, what would it look like to work at it?

Let’s begin by considering what courage is.

Courage requires threats. It’s no virtue to move forward when things are easy. Entering into a contest you will easily win is not courageous.

Second, courage is not being rash or imprudent. Entering into dangerous situations just for fun is foolish not courageous.

Third, courage is not lacking fear. Fear and anxiety are natural human responses to threats that can even be helpful when the threat is real. To be anxious about riding a boat into a lightning storm on the lake is a good thing.

So, what is courage? Courage is being able to move forward in the face of our fears. Courage is saying I will do my duty even though it’s hard. Courage is holding to our principles when others want us to compromise. Courage is staying in a difficult place when we need to. Courage is being able to keep our head and heart when we face real threats.

If courage is so useful and good, then how do we develop it?

Let me give you four suggestions.

First, think about your principles. What are the things that you stand for? What things will you not compromise? What are your basic principles? What would you fight for? What would you die for?

Second, think about your threats. Don’t fear what you don’t need to fear. An astonishing number of threats that we feel on a day to day basis are either imagined or remote. For some reason, I’ve always freaked out over spilled drinks. I have seven kids, and so it’s happened a lot. Then, one day, a year or so ago, I realized: this is not a real threat. It’s not something to be afraid of. I can easily clean up the spill. Over time, I’ve learned to have less or no anxiety over spills. It’s been better for me. It’s been better for my family.

Third, think differently about scary situations. See yourself standing firm. Think about what would calm you when you are afraid. A Christian has a lot of resources, but one thing God always says when He calls people to difficult tasks is: “I will be with you.” That promise can fortify us in challenging situations.

Fourth, test your courage in small situations. Learn to say “no” when you think you should and are afraid to. Learn to gently share your opinion, even when you fear that others may react strongly. Learn to say “yes” when there’s no real reason to be afraid. We can train ourselves in the small things to have courage when the bigger threats arise.

Courage is not an option. The Bible tells us: “Be watchful. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong” (1 Cor. 16:13). However, it’s not only a command. It’s a good way to live. It means that we can go forward and do our duty and experience joy even in the face of the hard and scary realities of life. If doing what is right is good, courage is what enables us to do it at all times, even when it’s scary or hard.

Courage, my friends!

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Great Grandma Lindsey’s Spaghetti

I wish I had gotten to know more of my Great Grandparents. I would love to be able to sit down with them now and listen to their stories. I would love to be in their presence and experience what they are like.

Great Grandma Betty Lindsey with Great Grandpa William McKinley Lindsey and son Tom

I’ve always felt an attachment to the Grandparents I know. At a young age, I remember travelling with my Grandpa to Pennsylvania. While we drove, he told me the story of Robinson Crusoe, and I loved every moment of it.

I also had opportunities to get to know some of my Grandparents that I squandered. Several lived for a long time, and I never made a move to get to know them better. I regret that.

My Paternal Grandmother, Betty Lindsey Babb, died before I was born. Her Father, William, My Great Grandfather, died a year later. My Great Grandma Betty Lindsey had died three years earlier in 1972.

In 2017, I began to look into my family history in earnest. This led me to seek out the descendants of William and Betty. The last of their 9 children died just as I began to do this research.

When I contacted the wife of William and Betty’s son George, I learned a lot. What she mentioned to me was that she always enjoyed being at William and Betty’s family. She remembered very clearly the smell of garlic because Betty was always making spaghetti.

I asked my own Father, who had lived with William and Betty for a time, if he remembered the spaghetti. “Oh yeah.” He said. “That’s probably one reason I don’t like spaghetti today. We ate it all the time!”

As I asked around, people always mentioned Great Grandma’s spaghetti. It was the most prominent and constant theme.

Over Christmas, I was finally able to sit down with a group of the descendants of Tom Lindsey, William and Betty’s oldest (the baby in the picture above). We talked about memories of the past, and, inevitably, Great Grandma Lindsey’s spaghetti came up. One of Tom’s daughters told me, “I have the recipe, if you want it.”

“Absolutely!” I replied. Then, I listened carefully as she told me the details.

“You start by frying up some bacon.” She began. “Then, you leave the bacon grease in the frying pan and take out the bacon for later.”

A good start! I thought.

“Chop up onion and garlic and sautée them in the pan. Once you’ve done that, you add tomato juice. After mixing the tomato juice, you crumple up the bacon and put it back into the sauce. Then, there’s one more thing. They always had fried chicken with the spaghetti.” She said.

Fridays are my day to cook. On a Friday in January, I decided I would make Great Grandma Lindsey’s spaghetti. Step by step, I followed the directions. The only way I modified the spaghetti was to add a little bit of tomato paste. I needed less than I thought because the sauce was thicker than I thought. I warmed up the fried chicken to go with it.

And it was good! I love spaghetti. This was different than any spaghetti that I had eaten, but it was still good. My daughter described it this way: “I like it, but it’s more Southern than Italian.”

As I prepared the spaghetti and served it to my family, I could imagine sitting at Great Grandma Lindsey’s table with a plate of spaghetti and fried chicken and the house filled with the aroma of garlic. Somehow, I felt closer to her than I had before.

Great Grandma Lindsey with two of her sons

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Not Giving up Anything for Lent, the Pagan Roots of Easter, and Other Holy Week Thoughts

Here is a collection of thoughts I’ve had on Holy Week.

  • I have still never given anything up for Lent. However, I did enjoy the Mardi Gras special at Courthouse Donuts. Laissez les bons temps rouler!
  • I’ve always had trouble picking out something to give up for Lent. If I need to give something up, I give it up. If I don’t need to give it up, I really don’t want to. But maybe that’s the point!
  • On the other hand, I’ve embraced Holy Week this year in a way that I haven’t in the past. I’ve done readings at home, a Seder at church, and a Good Friday service in Gatlinburg. Sunday, of course, will be our Easter worship service.
  • Our family has read slowly through Matthew 26–27 this week. Very powerful. Highly recommended.
  • Think of Jesus for a minute without knowing that He is the Messiah. The fact that Jesus says, in essence, that from now on the Passover is all about Him is really quite astonishing.
  • The thief on the cross exercised incredible faith when he looked at the bleeding, dying, suffering Jesus and said, “Remember me when you come into your kingdom.”
  • I don’t want to condemn anyone who does, but I personally don’t find it an aid to faith to watch an actor play Jesus. I prefer my own thoughts on the Scripture.
  • When you read “My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?” with the background of Jesus’ intimate relationship with the Father throughout His time on earth, beginning with going to the temple at age 12, it gives even greater profundity to some of the most profound words ever spoken.
  • Can you feel the anticipation of Easter in your house? I can in mine. Ever since there has been a spring and humans to reflect upon it, humans have experienced that same anticipation because they held celebrations of the wonder of spring.
  • “Pagan” has certain connotations today, but it really means everybody else besides the Jews who haven’t heard the Gospel of Christ. This includes most of the ancestors of those who are reading this.
  • The glory of spring demands awe, wonder, and celebration. There is something right about the pagans celebrating it, even if I can’t agree with all that they did to celebrate it.
  • Christians have taken the ancient spring celebration and centered it around the greatest new life event since creation itself: the resurrection of Jesus and the beginning of the new creation.
  • Speaking of spring, I love seeing all the flowers in the Southern spring. I was surprised to see my azalea bush do so well.

  • In Matthew’s Gospel, the first words of Jesus after the resurrection are “Do not be afraid.” Good words for people who live much of their lives based on irrational fears or not knowing how to live courageously in the face of rational ones.

If you made it through this whole list, I wish you an especially happy Easter!

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Don’t Be Afraid

“Don’t be afraid.” That’s what the angel told the women who had come to Jesus’ tomb only to find it empty.

A few moments later, these same women met Jesus. “Don’t be afraid.” Jesus told them.

Don’t be afraid. The first words after the resurrection.

It’s not really surprising for two reasons. First, in the biblical revelation, this always seem to be the first word: Fear not! Second, we are a fearful people, and so we need this reassuring word.

Two of my daughters both recently bought a guinea pig (read a story about this here). They are adorable and fun to watch, but they are also very nervous. With the slightest movement towards them, they will scurry off into their little house. They are filled with anxiety and fear.

The more I’ve watched these guinea pigs, the more I’ve realized: we’re guinea pigs! We’re just like them.

Anytime anything surprises us, we start worrying, withdrawing, or attacking. Why? We have anxiety. We are afraid.

What happens anytime we get an unexpected tax, car, home, or health bill? Like guinea pigs, we start scurrying. This happens to me all the time. When I think over the past decade, I can think of very few times, if any, where I’ve failed to pay a bill. But as soon as I get a bill that I didn’t plan, what happens? I start to worry and think, Oh no! What am I going to do?

“Don’t be afraid.” Jesus says.

And what do we fear? We fear all kinds of things. We fear all sorts of threats from terrorists, world powers, and armies, like people feared the Roman army in Jesus’ day.

If there are any human beings that didn’t seem guinea piggish, it was Roman soldiers. These guys were the toughest of the tough. These soldiers would not stop in face of the most terrible enemies. One time, the great general Hannibal destroyed 80% of a Roman army at the Battle of Cannae. The soldiers at the front escaped because they would just keep moving forward no matter what. The problem was the tactics. They couldn’t turn well during the battle and so got surrounded and destroyed. Once Scipio Africanus developed new tactics for the Roman army, these tough Roman soldiers crushed the Carthaginian Empire. Roman soldiers were disciplined and tough.

However, when the angel of the Lord came down to roll away the tomb appearing like lightning, these tough Roman soldiers fell to the ground like dead men. The most powerful army of the day faded away before the awesome power of the resurrected Christ and His army.

Don’t be afraid, even of the most powerful army on earth!

And what about death? In many ways, this is the anxiety behind all anxiety. But Christ has defeated it! He appeared before the women having conquered this great enemy. So, when we face our great enemy, we don’t have to fear either. The Christ who is with us has already met death, looked it in the face, and crushed it.

Don’t be afraid.

And what about Jesus Himself? Encountering someone so powerful who conquered death can itself be a scary thing. That’s why the women were full of joy at the news of Christ’s resurrection but also terrified (Mt. 28:8). How can you relate to Him? I think that’s the main reason Jesus said, “Don’t be afraid.” He wanted them to know that as powerful as He was, He was the same Jesus who did not break a bruised reed or put out a smoking wick.

When Jesus talked with the women, He said, “Go, tell my brothers” (Mt. 28:10). It’s a touching term. They are part of Jesus’ family, and we can be, too. We don’t have to be afraid. Jesus welcomes all of us into His family as a free gift. We just have to say “yes” to it. Then, we can be baptized into the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit (Mt. 28:19) and be assured that Jesus will always be with us.

That’s the message of Easter. Don’t be afraid. Christ has come. Christ has risen. Christ has conquered. Don’t be afraid.

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