Tag: Parenting

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Encouragement for Parents

Parenting is a scary thing. You have responsibility for a precious little life, and there are a lot of things that can go wrong. The atmosphere of parenting is anxiety, and the family is a sort of anxiety generator.

The trouble with anxiety is that it is an emotion that is not always (not often?) based on reality. Anxiety leads us away from thinking and to action that is rooted in emotion rather than reality. Sometimes, anxieties about people become self-fulfilling prophecies. We may have had parents whom we thought were too strict. This may have led us or our siblings to act in ways that led to harm. Out of fear of this, we may not set boundaries for our children. This may end up harming them. So, then our kids go overboard emphasizing boundaries. Anxiety has a way of working through the generations.

I have seven kids from ages 5 to 16. I have tried to be a less anxious parent without disengaging from my children. As I have tried to look at reality and not just go by my feelings, I have seen quite a few things that have encouraged me. I would like to share that with you here.

The number one thing is to relax about parenting. In spite of the challenges of our times, parents do have a big influence on their kids. Most kids figure out how to deal with life and become relatively productive members of society. The long-term trends and statistics for parenting are good. There are exceptions, but the overall picture is relatively positive. You can influence your kids in a positive direction. Continue reading “Encouragement for Parents”

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To Lead–Know Where You Are Going

When I pull up my Google Maps app, Google can usually tell me the best way to go. All it needs to know is where I want to go, then it shows me several routes, including the one that it estimates will be the fastest. I can then quickly make a selection.

The hard thing is knowing where I want to go. I try to use Friday’s as a day with my family. I always want to go somewhere and do a significant activity.

However, I’ve come up to many Friday’s and had nothing. I realized not too long ago that I need to make a list of things I want to do with the family: the Knoxville Zoo, ice skating at Ober Gatlinburg, a day trip to the Cumberland Gap. Once I’ve selected my destination, then it’s fairly easy to figure out a plan to get there.

I think life and leadership is like that. The hard part is often figuring out what we really want to go. I remember asking a woman not too long ago, if you had a week without kids and any responsibilities, what would you do? She answered, “I have no idea.”

She’s like me. I’m often not even clear on what I want. How am I going to have clarity on what is best for other people? How can I lead?

This past week, I was having lunch with another Pastor from our presbytery (a regional group of churches). I asked him, what if all the churches said, “we’ll appoint you pope for a day, and anything you ask us to change, we’ll change in our churches”? What would you tell them to change? It was a hard question to answer. Continue reading “To Lead–Know Where You Are Going”

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Realistic Expectations for Your Children

Here’s a suggestion for you who are parents or will be. Keep a journal of what your children do. If you have a bad day, write about it. If they do something that makes you particularly happy, write about that, too. I would especially suggest this if you have several children.

My wife does not journal a lot. She has written three journal entries over the past five years. However, a few nights ago, she read them, and she really enjoyed it. I’m going to publish some of my own journal entries in a few months where I describe some of the most intimate details of my private life. Just kidding.

In all seriousness, I’m really pleased how my two oldest children are growing and becoming good workers. They are almost 9 and 8 years old. My son is particular willing to work without complaining, even if he is not as thorough as I would like. Nevertheless, I’m quite pleased.

But my 5 and 4 year old daughters drive me crazy sometimes. Every time I try to get them to do even the smallest tasks, they disappear, get “sick,” or suddenly have to go to the bathroom. I was complaining about this to my wife, and she said, “Anna (our oldest) did the same thing when she was five. I just read it in my journal.” I was greatly relieved. We were not failures as parents. Our younger girls were not destined to be eternal couch potatoes, ever avoiding work. They were just being 5 and 4.

This was a good lesson for me. I’ll keep pushing my children to work, but I also want to have realistic expectations. That’s true for all who have subordinates. It’s true as a pastor, and it’s true as a father. “Be patient with all.” says the Apostle Paul (1 Thess. 5:14).

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