Tag: Grief

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Understanding the Grieving Process

A depiction of an ancient Egyptian funeral procession

The Apostle Paul calls God “the God of all comfort” (2 Cor. 1:3).

One way that we see God as the God of all comfort is the fact that His Word, the Bible, has so many descriptions of grieving people and funerals.

This shows us that God comes alongside us at these times and is with us.

Ultimately, it points us to Jesus who is “a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Is. 53:1). He knows what it is to grieve. We see Him standing at the tomb of Lazarus: “Jesus wept” (John 11:35).

In the many funerals of the Bible, God teaches us what it means to grieve. He teaches us about the grieving process. This is a process that He has created in order for human beings to recover from loss.

A funeral for a loved one isn’t the only time we enter into the grieving process. We may need the grieving process for all sorts of losses: when loved ones move away, when we lose a job or a dream is shattered, when opportunities are lost, or when we experience trauma. However, funerals represent one of the strongest forms of grief, so they are particularly helpful in teaching us about grieving in all types of loss. Continue reading “Understanding the Grieving Process”

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Calibrate Your Emotions to Reality

Emotions drive our lives. They are powerful forces that can impel us towards good activity. Unfortunately, they can also impel us toward destructive activity. Some of our best decisions and some of our worst decisions came out of strong emotions. Does it have to be this way?

Throughout the ages, philosophers, psychologists, and religious leaders have contemplated the problem of emotions. Here is a summation of their key finding: calibrate your emotions to reality. As Thomas Aquinas says when it comes to courage, “Hence it belongs to fortitude that man should moderate his fear according to reason, namely that he should fear what he ought, and when he ought, and so forth” (Q. 126, A. 2, 1718).

Our emotions may reflect reality, but they also may not. We do not need to take them at face value. Concretely:

  • If we are scared, it does not mean there is a real threat.
  • If we are sad, it does not mean that we have lost something.
  • If we are angry, it does not mean that there is an injustice.
  • If we are joyful, it does not mean that things are going well.

The reverse is also true. Continue reading “Calibrate Your Emotions to Reality”

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Thy Will Be Done

Grief and loss. That’s a good way to describe what people throughout the world are experiencing in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic. Loss of normalcy. Loss of connection. Loss of church life. Loss of vacations. Loss of school. That’s a lot of loss.

I remember a few weeks ago when I began to feel the loss in my own heart. Once I began to realize what was going on with the pandemic, I realized also that my normal American life was going to be severely interrupted. I did not like it. I was grieved. I realized that church would not be the same, and I love going to church! It was a loss, and I was going to miss it.

We need to talk about these losses, and we need to recognize them for what they are and the grief they cause. We need to let them soak in and wait patiently for the time when we will adjust. That time does come, and God speaks comfort to our hearts.

When we experience grief and loss, it’s easy to think that God is distant or far away from us. However, the Bible teaches us that grief and loss are part of God’s plan.

Jesus’ Experience of Grief and Loss
Jesus Himself entered into the world of grief and loss. I want to look at one particular example of that in His life: the Garden of Gethsemane. It was a time when Jesus contemplated the severe grief of the cross and struggled with it in the depths of His being. Continue reading “Thy Will Be Done”

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Renewal in an Organization with a Long History of Hurt and Failure

The temple, the glory of the people of Israel, was in complete ruins. The Babylonians had destroyed everything and taken many of the people into captivity. Now, thousands had returned but returned to devastation.

In spite of the disappointment, those who returned from exile did not give up. They saw the place where the altars had been, and they rebuilt them. There, with no walls or temple, they held a feast to the LORD, the feast of tabernacles, where they remembered how God was with them in the wilderness when they came out of Egypt.

Then, they got to work. In the 2nd year of their return, they began building the foundation of the temple.

When the foundation was complete, the people began to praise the Lord: “He is good; his love toward Israel endures forever” (Ezra 3:11). They all gave a great shout to the Lord.

But shouts of praise were not the only sounds. “Many of the older priests and Levites and family heads, who had seen the former temple, wept aloud when they saw the foundation of this temple being laid” (Ezra 3:12). The result was that “no one could distinguish the sound of the shouts of joy from the sound of weeping, because the people made so much noise” (Ezra 3:13).

This reminds me of many churches, families, and organizations I have observed. When renewal begins to take place, good things are happening, but it is hard for those who have experienced disappointment or hurts in the past to see the good. This makes it hard for the work of renewal to move forward.

So, what should we do? For those rejoicing in the present, it is important to remember:

  1. Understand that the organization has a history.
  2. Understand that good things have been lost.
  3. Understand that there have been hurts.
  4. When people express pain or longing for the past, don’t get defensive. Ask for stories.

For those who are grieved at the losses of the past, it is important to remember:

  1. Remember that new didn’t experience those earlier times.
  2. Remember that people are there because they see good things.
  3. Remember that there are challenges in the present to even carrying out the work, and people need encouragement.
  4. When you hear the good things, ask them to share them without bringing up your bad experience. Just let them give thanks and rejoice with those who rejoice.

So, who goes first? Who reaches out? The person who is more emotionally mature. Someone has to step up and say, “I understand my own emotions and sympathize with the emotions of others. I will step outside myself to consider what others need.” Whoever has the strength to do this should do it.

In all of this, we should remember that this is God’s work. He is the one who is at work in the church and in creation to bring about good things. That should encourage us, and that’s why the prophet Zechariah encouraged the people of that day: “What are you, mighty mountain? Before Zerubbabel (the Israelite’s civic leader) you will become level ground. . . . The hands of Zerubbabel have laid the foundation of this temple; his hands will also complete it. Then you will know that the Lord Almighty has sent me to you” (Zechariah 4:7-8).

Zechariah reminded them that whatever their personal feelings, the temple needed to be built. He encouraged them that it would be built, and he promised a glorious future. These same considerations can help us to move forward with the work of renewal in ourselves, our families, our churches, and our governments.

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Suffering Well

Everyone is going to suffer, but will we suffer well? Will we suffer in a way that will do good to our own souls, bless those around us, and glorify God?

In this post, I’d like to meditate on 5 ways we can suffer well and then contrast that with 5 ways in which we can suffer badly. In later posts, I will address why we should suffer well and how we can suffer well, but for now, I just want to try to shed some light on what it means to suffer well.

Before I begin, I want to let you know that I sat down with two friends, Art Stump and Lacie Shingleton to discuss suffering well on our Pinecone Podcast. I would invite you to listen to our discussion by clicking here.

5 Ways to Suffer Well

  1. You acknowledge that you are suffering
  2. You continue to honor those around you.
  3. You continue to do the good that you should do.
  4. You continue to trust in the goodness and faithfulness of God.
  5. You continue to hope and expect that God will give you good things.

5 Ways to Suffer Badly

  1. You suppress or ignore the fact that you are suffering.
  2. You lash out at those around you, even those who may have nothing to do with your suffering.
  3. You get bitter.
  4. You give up on God.
  5. You fall into despair.

Again, this is just the concept. In later posts, I will address why we should seek to suffer well and how we can do it. For now, I think it’s important to have a clear sense of what it means to suffer well and suffer badly. These are the things that came most clearly to my mind. What about you? Anything you would add or take away?

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