The Messages We Tell Ourselves

Behind our emotions are stories. We tell ourselves messages that shape our hearts and minds and actions.

These messages may drive us forward, messages like “you have skill,” “you can learn,” “you will be alright,” “people like you,” “God will take care of you,” and so on.

Other messages keep us from moving forward: “you are not valuable,” “you are incompetent,” “you will lose everything,” “people will not like you,” “you will be alone,” “you won’t have resources,” and so on.

It’s not always easy to know what these messages are. They are often buried so deep that they are not readily available to our consciousness.

Here’s one example from my own life.

My wife is a homemaker, and, throughout our married life, I have often been frustrated with the state of the house. It has taken me a long time to understand the message I am telling myself: I can’t be OK if the house is in disorder. This, of course, is not true, but it’s what I’ve told myself over and over.

Thinking a bit more about this message, I started to wonder where that message came from. My personality is inclined to want an orderly environment, but I dug deeper. I realized my Mother was a very orderly person. I regard this as a real virtue. She kept the house in virtually perfect order. I grew up expecting that this was how the house would be. Without my effort, the house was just always magically in order!

Then, I started thinking about my wife. She is much more tolerant of chaos and disorder than my Mother was. She can function very well with things being disorganized and stuff being everywhere. I actually regard this as a real virtue as well, one I need to grow in!

There is another difference between my Mom and my wife. My Mom had two children. My wife has seven! It’s just not going to work out the same way, no matter how much we may want it to.

The seven children show a great variety in their toleration for cleanliness and order. I have one daughter who is able to function in conditions that would drive my crazy. Below is a picture of the work conditions in which she made clothes for her dolls. I really admire her ability to adapt to almost any condition!

All these reflections have helped me change my attitude about the house. Instead of frustration, I can even feel admiration for how my wife holds things together and is able to do so well in the midst of so many distractions in our house.

How was I able to get there? I had to take time to really think through the message that I was telling myself. I had to peel back the layers and see something of what was going on in my mind and heart.

I think the first step in the transformation of our character and mentality is beginning to ask, what is the message I am telling myself? Then, we can evaluate its truth and value.

The messages we tell ourselves shape our lives, but we they don’t have to be. We can discover what these messages are and choose to tell different ones. In my view, this is one key to learning to live a different and better type of life.

Pursuing Excellence

When you think of excellence, who do you think of? Lebron James, Albert Einstein, Muhammed Ali, Thomas Edison, or Ludwig Beethoven? All of these people accomplished great things.

The reality is, though, that most of us won’t be pro basketball players or boxers or famous scientists or compose musical numbers that people will enjoy listening to centuries after our deaths. No matter how hard we work, pray, or think, these things will not happen.

However, the door to an excellence that is greater than anything these men accomplished is wide open to everyone. That is the excellence of reflecting the glory of God!

How do we do this? We do it through virtue. Virtue is an excellent trait that shows the nobility and glory of humans and reflects the glory of God.

Humans were created in the image of God to reflect the glory of God, but this glory is diminished by original and actual sin. Corruption rather than virtue more often characterizes the human race. The goal of the Christian faith is to restore human beings to their original glory, excellence, and virtue.

What does this look like? The Apostle Peter provides us a beautiful description in his opening exhortation in 2 Peter 1:3-11. He begins by telling us that we now have everything we need for a godly life. How? Through God’s own virtue (same word as virtue in the Greek, v. 3). It is His own excellence that provides for us what we need to live a godly life.

When we think of a godly life, it is important that we think not merely of doing the right things or not doing the wrong things. It is about who we are. It is about characteristics that are excellent and noble that reflect the glory of God, participating, as it were, in the divine nature (see 2 Pet. 1:4).

After laying that groundwork, Peter explains what those characteristics are. He says, “For this very reason, make every effort, be totally zealous, to add to your faith virtue and to virtue knowledge and to knowledge self-control and to self-control endurance and to endurance godliness and to godliness brotherly love and to brotherly love, a love that reflects God’s love for lost sinners (agape love).”

This list does not exhaust the excellent character traits that reflect the glory of God, but they provide a helpful overview.

When we think of these characteristics, it is easy for us to miss that they are all about joy and happiness. When we think of God, we should see Him as being eternally content and happy. He has everything He needs for total and perfect happiness. He is the One who is creative and delights in making things. He is so full of goodness that His goodness cannot but overflow.

That’s the excellence that we should pursue. We should seek to be happy and joyful people because we are filled with the sufficiency of God. We delight in the good that God is and the good that He creates. We are filled with joy because we expect good things from Him, and so we don’t need to desire things that are not good or reasonable for us (self-control). Like God, we move out of this sufficiency to create and to love, even the most unlovable.

That is the glory that is available to each and every human being and that God offers to us as a gift.

If it is so available, why do we not see more people who reflect that glory? Because it involves serious effort. It takes zeal. We have to work at it. This does not mean simply trying harder. It means enlightening our minds through the means of grace, engaging prayerfully in the world with a new mindset, and enlisting folk to help us and serve as examples.

At the same time, it’s not an effort that is beyond normal human reach. It is available to us. His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life. The burden and yoke of Jesus is a light one that actually gives us rest and gives us an excellence that reflects the transcendent glory of God. The power, promises, and presence of God are always available. We can become people of virtue, people whose character reflects the glory of God.

Can We Change for the Better?

Can people who are fearful become courageous? Can those who are impatient become patient? Can the joyless become joyful?

To that, I answer an emphatic “yes!!!”

Here’s why I think this is true. First, I studied family systems over the past couple of years. I read many stories of people who were able to function differently in the challenging emotional environment of their family. It was hard, but they did it.

Second, I studied the Greek and Roman philosophers. Through the study of philosophy, many people were able to change for the better. They could learn to live by principle rather than by whim or reacting to emotional pressure.

Third, people train their emotions and will in many areas of life. People can learn to keep their body moving forward in the face of great danger. The philosopher Seneca described this well: “[T]he body can be trained to such a degree of endurance that it will stand the blows and kicks of several opponents at once and to such a degree that a man can last out the day and resist the scorching sun in the midst of the burning dust, drenched all the while with his own blood . . .” (Letters, LXXX).

He then goes on to ask: “[I]f this can be done, how much more easily might the mind be toughened so that it could receive the blows of Fortune and not be conquered, so that it might struggle to its feet again after it has been laid low, after it has been trampled under foot?” (Ibid., emphasis mine). In other words, can we not change our mindset to be able to keep moving forward in the face of great difficulties and disappointments?

As a Christian, why do I not argue for change from Christ transforming people? I certainly believe in the power of God in the lives of individuals. I have observed it in my own life and the life of countless others. I find, however, that many people underestimate what God can do because they don’t see that change is possible in ordinary life. In other words, if people can change so much without Christ, how much with Him?

So, “Great,” you might say, “some people changed. But how can I do it? How can I change?”

The first thing to recognize is that it is hard work. This is true in the realm of nature and the realm of grace. Sometimes, there is supernatural intervention that radically transforms people, but more often than not, it takes hard work. God uses hard work to transform people (Phil. 2:12-13, 2 Peter 1:5).

But what kind of hard work? John Ortberg in one of his talks at a conference called Living in Christ’s Presence asked the people attending that conference, “How many of you could run a marathon right now?” There were a couple. Then, he asked, “How many of you could run a marathon if you tried harder?” Of course, no new people raised their hands. Often, we think that change is a matter of trying harder. It is not. It is about the right training over a long period of time.

This is more than a loose analogy. The Apostle Paul used the word used for training in the gymnasium in his day and said, “Train yourself to be godly” (1 Tim. 4:7-8).

What does this training look like? In sum, developing virtue involves a changed mindset implemented in action over time that becomes a habit or character trait.

How would this work? let’s take patience as an example. Ask some questions of yourself: what are the circumstances in which you act impatiently? Does impatience help you? What are the results? What are you afraid of that causes you to be impatient? Developing a better mindset includes confronting a wrong mindset.

The positive side is to impress on your mind the better ways of thinking. To discover that you can ask questions like, what helps me be more patient? What thought or mindset has helped me be more patient in the past? What would be the positive benefit of patience? And so on.

Then, you need to practice. Put yourself in situations where you will need to be patient. Try to slow down and be OK with with it. Most of us have opportunities for this every single day: driving. We can work on being patient while we drive.

Over time, such work will begin to take effect. That doesn’t mean you’ll be perfect or problem-free. It just means you’ll get better.

That’s virtue training, training for excellence of character.

I believe that we don’t have to settle for where we have been in the past. I believe change is possible. God has given us everything we need for a godly life. We just need to step out in faith and start moving. His power, promises, and presence will be with us every step of the way.

The Glory of the High Priest

This week, I have been studying the high priest in Exodus 28. In some ways, it is so simple. The high priest went before God on behalf of the people in the temple of the Lord.

On the other side, the detailed garments and activities call for serious reflection. As the 17th century Dutch theologian Wilhelmus à Brakel said: “The entire priesthood, and particularly the high priest, was a glorious type of the Lord Jesus Christ, as the apostle subsequently shows us in his letter to the Hebrews. Furthermore, each particular matter had its specific meaning.” He found what I have found: “meditation thereon [is] a sweet work.”

The high priest teaches us much about God, the world, humans as God created them, Jesus, and the restored humanity in Christ. All of this is worth reflecting on in detail.

Here let me just point out one of my favorites. On the shoulder straps, the priest would have onyx stones, and on those onyx stones, an engraver would engrave the names of the tribes of Israel. Thus, “[The high priest] is to bear the names on his shoulders as a memorial before the Lord” (Ex. 28:12).

The high priest would not only wear the names of Israel on his shoulders. He would wear them over his heart. On the breastplate, he bore 12 different types of stone that each represented the tribes of Israel. The workers would engrave the names of the 12 tribes of Israel on the stones. In this way, “[w]henever [the high priest] enters the Holy Place, he will bear the names of the sons of Israel over his heart on the breastpiece of decision as a continuing memorial before the Lord” (Ex. 28:29).

What is the significance of this? I think this is especially fulfilled in Christ. He is our great high priest who carries the names of His people on His heart before His Father. We should think of Jesus as the One who has us on His heart and written on His hands: “See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands . . .” (Is. 49:16). As the author of Hebrews writes: “Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them” (Heb. 7:25).

This should afford us tremendous comfort and joy. We have an advocate before the very throne of God who will not fail to pray for us and seek our good, Jesus! A colonial New England Pastor, Samuel Mather, captured this beautifully:

How should faith triumph in this? Is not our High Priest in the Sanctuary? Is He not clothed with garments of righteousness and salvation? And doth He not bear the names of His people upon his shoulders and upon his breasts before the Lord? Thy particular concerns (if thou are a believer) are written upon His heart with the pen of a diamond, in such lasting letters of loving-kindness as shall never be blotted out.

Where Heaven and Earth Meet

More than 3,000 years ago, God instructed His people to build a tent where His presence would dwell and heaven and earth would meet together.

Eventually, King Solomon replaced the tent with a permanent temple. Then, the temple was replaced with a non-geographic, portable worship in the Great Commission (Mt. 28:18 20). Nonetheless, reflection on this tent and its contents is a very pleasant thing. It teaches us about God, the world, human beings, Christ, worship, and the church. It’s not always easy to discern the exact meaning of every detail in it, but it is pleasant to think about. As the 17th century Dutch theologian Wilhelmus à Brakel said speaking of the high priest but equally applicable to the tent and the temple:

The entire priesthood, and particularly the high priest, was a glorious type of the Lord Jesus Christ, as the apostle subsequently shows us in his letter to the Hebrews. Furthermore, each particular matter had its specific meaning. However, we do not presume to be an expositor of each particular. We do indeed have our thoughts concerning this subject, and find meditation thereon a sweet work, but as we cannot speak about it with certainty, we shall remain silent, leaving everyone free in his thoughts concerning this. I wish to neither concur nor contradict, since we would not be able to agree with others in all things.

I think Brakel’s caution is helpful, but I believe we can share with each other our ideas that will help each other reflect on the meaning of the tent of God for us today.

To begin with, here is an overview of the structure of the tent with its furniture:

Here are a few suggestions for thinking about this structure:

  1. The tent is constructed as a picture of the universe. Earth is the outer court. The holy place is the heavens. The holy of holies is the highest heaven, the throne room of God (see the helpful discussion of this in Mitchell Kim and G.K. Beale’s excellent book on the temple, God Dwells Among Us).
  2. The ark represents God’s throne and law that is over the world. Note that the tablets of the Ten Commandments were in the ark.
  3. The altar of incense represents the prayers of the people by which they commune with God.
  4. The bronze altar and basin in the outer court represent the cleansing that sinners need and that God provides in order for them to come into His presence.
  5. The seven lights on the candlestick represent the seven visible lights in the sky and the light that God gives to the world through His Word.

As you think about the tent of God or the temple, one can conceive of a variety of ways in which the tent points to other realities in God’s revelation beyond the tent itself.

  1. The tent points to Jesus who is the One in whom heaven and earth meet (John 1:1, 14).
  2. The tent points to the work of Christ who is our great High Priest (Heb. 2:14 18), where earth and heaven meet in His atoning sacrifice.
  3. The tent points to the worship of the church because in it heaven and earth meet together (Heb. 12:22 24).
  4. The tent points to us, for with God’s Spirit dwelling in us, we become a place where heaven and earth meet together.
  5. The tent points to the new heavens and new earth when heaven and earth are finally and fully united together (Rev. 21:23).

There are innumerable other connections that one can draw. I find that these images help me see aspects of God and His work with us that I would not see as clearly otherwise. The Old Testament represents jewels just below the surface; the New has them on the surface. Both provide riches for our growth in grace and knowledge.