Do the small frustrations of life get you really upset or even angry?
How about traffic? Yesterday, I had to drive my daughter to The Island, an outdoor mall here in Pigeon Forge. Normally, I can do this in about 30 minutes. By the time I got to Teaster Road, I realized that this was going to take a lot longer. This was Rod Run. I saw the night I had planned begin to slip away. 30 minutes. 45 minutes. Finally, I arrived at the Island. Then, I headed home. Google found me a back way, but it was along a narrow, winding mountain road with a 20 mph speed limit in the dark. I almost thought of turning around and going through all the traffic. I made it home after more than an hour. Do these sorts of delays ever frustrate you?
What about grilling? Grilling is great, but there’s one problem. You never know when the propane will run out. So, you start the grill and start cooking the meat, and then you realize, there’s no flame! Now, you have to go out into all that Rod Run traffic and get more propane. Does stuff like that ever get you really upset?
These things can easily get me upset or frustrated, but I don’t want to be upset or frustrated by them. I’d really like to be able to meet these little inconveniences with equanimity. I’d like to be better at handling life’s little frustrations.
Fortunately, I’ve developed some tools to help me deal with these things better. These tools are different mindsets and different ways of looking at these problems. When I can look at these little frustrations with a different mindset rather than the emotional intensity of the moment, I can meet these small trials with greater peace. I know my mindset won’t change in a day or a week, but these things can help over time. Also, when I find myself losing composure, I can go back to them and calm myself down. Here’s three of these perspectives:
1. Ride the wave. In C.S. Lewis’ book Perelandra, we meet a new Adam and Eve freshly created and living on the planet Venus. It’s a new, unfallen, untainted human race. They live on little floating islands on a world of water. The mentality of the Lady, the Eve character, is that whatever the next wave brings is good because it is what Maleldil (God) wants. She says, “But how can one wish any of those waves not to reach us which Maleldil is rolling towards us?” She recognizes that whatever one expects, one can accept what God actually brings. This is where the wave takes you. Accept it as good because it comes from Maleldil.
The main character, Ransom, and the Lady discuss this in greater detail. The Lady discerns that she could expect one good and get another good. She could get so attached to the good that she did not get that it could turn her to a dark place. She says, “this, [Ransom], is the glory and wonder you have made me see; that it is I, I myself, who turn from the good expected to the given good. Out of my own heart I do it. One can conceive of a heart which did not; which clung to the good it had first thought of and turned the good which was given it into no good.” The lesson is to hold loosely the good we expect and embrace the good that we get, which God gives us. Ride the wave.
2. Embrace adventure. When we plan things out, we can enjoy certain things. When we don’t, we can enjoy other things. When we don’t have a plan, there are new possibilities, some we hadn’t conceived of. When things don’t go our way, then we have opportunities to experience adventure. Following the old, trodden paths is good and pleasant but not much of an adventure. It is the new path that offers the thrill of exploration and discovery.
Each day presents these sorts of opportunities. I remember one time a friend called me. He was in Maryville (about 40 minutes away). He called around 1 and wanted to see if I could go to supper at 3:30. First, that’s not when you eat supper! Second, I had an agenda for my afternoon! Remembering, though, that I have a tendency to be too rigid in my agenda, I simply said, “yes.” We had a great time together. That friend also died a couple of months later. I’m glad I was able to spend some time with him on this side of eternity.
3. Don’t take on other people’s emotions. Some of our frustrations are rooted in other people’s frustrations. Emotions are contagious. If someone gets mad at us, it can make us tense up. If someone is frustrated and in a panic, then we can feel in a panic. At other times, we become rigidly calm to balance things out and seek to soothe that person’s emotions. This all occurs because emotions are contagious.
Other people’s emotions are more infectious than Covid-19. So, it’s hard not to “catch” them. However, if we can begin to see that this is something that happens, we can realize that some of the frustration and emotion we feel may be rooted in what other people are feeling, not in how we view the situation. If we see the situation differently, we do not have to feel the same way.
Let’s say that a person forgot to get dessert. Now, the guests are coming. That person gets very upset. You, on the other hand, are not that concerned about the dessert. The other person may be upset, but you don’t have to be upset. You view the matter differently, and so you ought to feel differently about it. However, the infectiousness of the emotion drives up everyone’s anxiety. It is possible, though, to step out of that situation and look at it with greater objectivity. With practice over time, you can learn to step outside that situation and see it differently than others do. That doesn’t mean that you don’t care about people’s struggles. It simply means you are a different person with different views, and that is O.K. If you don’t simply “catch” the emotions of others, you can choose how you engage in the situation.
These are three perspectives I use to help me deal with life’s little frustrations. I’d love to hear what perspectives you use to deal with your emotions during life’s little frustrations. Feel free to comment below. You can also contact me using the form on the right (laptop) or below (mobile). If you found this helpful, feel free to subscribe to my blog using the form on this page. And by the way, I solved my grilling problem by ordering this.